Author Topic: [Video Game] Hitman: Absolution  (Read 1466 times)


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[Video Game] Hitman: Absolution
« on: November 21, 2012, 11:25:32 PM »
The good: Graphics, sound, voice work, animations, interactivity.

The bad: nearly everything else.

Don't kid yourself: The team that developed Hitman: Absolution thinks that you're a fucking idiot and wouldn't be able to figure out how to complete a contract if they just dropped you into a compound with a gun and a piano wire - you know, basically what they did in every level of the last four, extremely popular and incredibly unique Hitman games.

No, you're a "casual gamer". Nope, doesn't matter if you've been playing games for years, you need your hand held. You need to be guided on what to do the entire time.

This game is a fucking travesty.

The reviews stating that it's a quality game are not wrong - it is a technically beautiful game, and if it were anything BUT a Hitman game, I would say that it was great despite a convoluted and annoying story line.

But this is Hitman. Or, it's SUPPOSED to be.

In Hitman: Blood Money, arguably the most popular and critically acclaimed game in the series, I was given a contract to assassinate a man under witness protection. I started out at the end of the street and could casually wander around so long as i didn't get too close to the house.

I noticed a caterer van in the drive way and a man hauling food from the van to the house. I also noticed a box van in the street, which when I got close enough I could identify as a surveillance vehicle for the agency tasked with protecting the witness.

I wandered over by the caterer's van and noticed a box of doughnuts... so I took out my sedative syringe and injected the tasty pastries, then left them by the door of the surveillance vehicle and knocked on the door - then booked it out of sight.

One of the men inside opened the door, looked bewildered, yet excited at the prospect of doughnuts being left at his door. A few moments later, both of the men inside were sound asleep, and i now had access to the security cameras and a nifty new disguise that would grant me access to the house so i could get closer to my target, so long as I didn't spend too much time in the faces of the other security staff, who would eventually figure out that i didn't belong.

There aren't any moments like that in Absolution.

Levels are small, and you're given the option to subdue or kill anyone at any time. Disguises work differently - if you take a cop uniform, ALL cops in the area who see you will immediately suspect something is wrong and begin to follow you, at which point you can either hide, knock them out, or fuck it and kill everyone in sight.

Even disguises that include full masks, hoods or helmets that completely conceal your identity are useless against this.

In Hitman: Contracts (the third game), getting a SWAT outfit was difficult, but if you managed to do it, NOBODY would suspect a thing since you were covered head to toe in gear and your identity was completely concealed.

In Absolution, even wearing SWAT gear with a face shield isn't enough to avoid the suspicion of anybody else on the police force.

Hell, even some of the disguises that would 100% conceal your skin, such as a hooded bandit outfit, deprives you of the ability to wear the HOOD part, thereby forcing you to stick to the cover system to sneak around the level.

There is absolutely no reason to ever use disguise in Absolution, it's just as hard as playing through wearing 47's signature suit, so you might as well not even bother.

You cannot select your equipment heading into a mission anymore. There is no intel with which to formulate a plan.

In ever Hitman game before Absolution, the entire level was one singe stage. If you fucked around too much in the back yard and didn't silence witnesses, everybody in the area would be on alert, especially your target who is inside the house. Guards would be dispatched and the target would be taken into a safe area, but all was not lost because you could still complete your assignment if you were craft enough. Maybe you WANTED to get the target moved into a different room, maybe that was part of your plan.

In Absolution, you can alert everyone in the lobby of a hotel by way of open firing with a shot gun and killing everyone in sight, but as long as you book it to the "loading screen door" and make it through without dying, nobody on the next floor will be hip to your groove, and nobody from the lobby left alive will give chase.

"Large" levels are broken up into tiny sections and actions from one section don't carry over to the next - sometimes, even your disguise and weapon won't transfer over, and all you did was enter another room and trigger a statistics screen.

Hitman: Absolution is not about letting players use their tools at their disposal, it's about holding your hand and putting you through a very scripted sequence of events. It's about making Hitman accessible to casual gamers who can't handle anything more than a quick time event rapid button press. It's about taking the puzzle aspect out completely and replacing it with spectacle.

instead of telling you what the end goal is and letting you create your own path to it, Absolution straps you in tightly and tells you about the different shades of grey you get to choose from when you get there.

This game suffered the same thing that Splinter Cell did, even if at first I thought it hadn't.

Don't buy this game if you're looking for more Hitman, it's a waste of money... but you might enjoy it if you're not a Hitman fan.

0/10 as a Hitman fan

6/10 as a video game fan


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Re: [Video Game] Hitman: Absolution
« Reply #1 on: November 22, 2012, 01:52:55 PM »
Welp, not buying this shit pile....
Quote from:  Sergeant D
Nothing says Alpha like getting your anus violated by another man

I gazed through the open window upon a full moon.
His name was Meatywand.

angry hampster

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Re: [Video Game] Hitman: Absolution
« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2012, 01:55:16 PM »
Welp, not buying this shit pile....

Yeah, I like this series but will probably skip this title. Thanks for the review, Nick.


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Re: [Video Game] Hitman: Absolution
« Reply #3 on: November 25, 2012, 05:04:43 PM »
There's maybe two levels that even remotely resemble true Hitman style missions, and they're pretty good, but they don't even compare to the brilliance in some of the missions in Blood Money.