Author Topic: I'm not proud of it, but it's a kill....  (Read 5854 times)

GooneyBird

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I'm not proud of it, but it's a kill....
« on: August 31, 2010, 06:55:25 PM »
Imagine with me, if you will.

You take two 18-year old wiggers, one of which just got his license, and bought a car. Not just any car, mind you, but the cheapest, nastiest POS he could possibly find.

For some reason, he bought an early '90s Opel Astra station wagon van (with the rear section blocked off and no rear windows. Think panel van, but based on a car) diesel. Astra diesels in the early '90s came in two versions, the quick-ish 1.9 turbodiesel and the cheap, rattly, slow 1.7 non-turbo.

To help with the mental picture:

But then ten times shittier, with more rust, and random crap sliding around in the cargo area. Green, and with a roof rack on it.

Anyway, this moron overtook me on a 50 km/h road, doing, well, more than 50. He cut in front of me, and hit the brakes for some odd reason. One brake light came on. So I laid on my horn, which was largely ignored by the two deadbeats inside. Their front-to-back-baseball hats bobbing to the tunes coming from the stereo. At the next light they were still in front of me, which was when I saw the black stain around the tail pipe, spreading out across the rear trunk lid, even hitting the window. Running a tad bit rich there?

Mind you, stock, the 1.7D is not a screamer. According to wikipedia, the base model 1.7 has a whole 52 horsepower, in a car that weighs nearly 2500 pounds. But this car probably ran waaayy out of tune, as it smoked even when idling.

The light turned green, and I drove away as normal, nearly running into the back of the station wagon which was by now belching out irregular puffs of black smoke. I'm not a fast and aggressive driver, this car was just comically slow. As in; slower than an accelerating semi. The road we were on turned into a one-lane, so I was stuck behind this....thing. I counted how long it took to get to 50 kph (31 mph). 11 seconds, and judging by the sound and smoke, it was at WOT. I eased off at 50-ish, he kept on chugging and ran ahead, to a red light

The road there became a 4-lane again, so at the next lights I pulled up alongside the two idiots. They noticed me, and recognized me as the guy that laid on the horn when they cut him off. They honked at me, and flipped me the bird. I did the same. The driver then pointed at the traffic lights, and revved his car. (And by revving I mean he floored it for 10 seconds, which caused more smoke to erupt from the back, while the engine struggled to get above 3000 rpm). I gave him the thumbs up, and turned my attention to the light. Up ahead the road turned into an 80 km/h (50 mph) zone.

My car:
Opel Astra G, 1.6 16V. Not the fastest car around, but quick enough for most days. 110 hp, 2300 pounds empty
His:
Opel Astra F, 1.7 diesel. Full of crap and two people. WAY out of tune. Factory said it had 52 hp, I'd be surprised if it had 30 at that point.

So the light turned green, and while I could have let him just barely win, I flogged the Astra off the line. By the time I shifted into third, doing about 55 kph, I looked in the mirror, and all I saw was one headlight coming from a huge cloud of black smoke. I decided to let off at 80, and short-shift into fifth to continue my journey. The 80 km/h zone has no lights, so I set my internal cruise control, and relax a bit

About 5 minutes later, I hear the unmistakable sound of what can only be described as a can of nails in a paint shaker. Looking in my rear view mirror I see a single headlight careening towards me.

It took another 2 minutes for this jalopy to overtake me, mind you, once it got along side. And at the moment our noses are on the same line, I honk, hold up the "L" with my thumb and index finger, and stick out my tongue, as I slowly open the car up to accelerate to 85-90 kph (55-60 mph) for a minute, just to piss them off. The two in the other car are actively ignoring me.

I lolled as the green Astra dropped back again, and probably couldn't keep up anymore.
After holding 90 kph (55 mph)for a few minutes, they dropped off, and I took my offramp. Never saw them again.

If you're gonna piss off random people on the road, as least make an effort to own a car that can actually keep up with modern traffic. That green Astra was just comically slow.  :lol:
'98 Opel Astra 1.6 16V
'08 Kymco Dink 50

jeepinator

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Re: I'm not proud of it, but it's a kill....
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2010, 09:55:23 PM »
Dude that is an awesome car and I would rock the fuck out of it.

GooneyBird

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Re: I'm not proud of it, but it's a kill....
« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2010, 11:18:39 AM »
Dude that is an awesome car and I would rock the fuck out of it.

They're pretty cool cars. They're cheap second hand, but usually used as a work vehicle, so with a million miles and a thrashed interior.

Opel had Astravan models of all the generations. Here's the newest:


And the van model of the generation before that, the one that my Opel's from:



Or with a raised roof, for more interior space.
'98 Opel Astra 1.6 16V
'08 Kymco Dink 50

AJ

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Re: I'm not proud of it, but it's a kill....
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2010, 06:45:02 PM »
Similar to stepping on a legless, upside down Cockroach but still... nice :lol:
shit knockknockknock waaaaaaaa
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dragoon_boy2335

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Re: I'm not proud of it, but it's a kill....
« Reply #4 on: September 02, 2010, 08:01:42 AM »
They're pretty cool cars. They're cheap second hand, but usually used as a work vehicle, so with a million miles and a thrashed interior.

Opel had Astravan models of all the generations. Here's the newest:



And the van model of the generation before that, the one that my Opel's from:



Or with a raised roof, for more interior space.

i've seen many astravans on my trip to London last year, they are quite cool IMO.

Eddie

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Re: I'm not proud of it, but it's a kill....
« Reply #5 on: September 02, 2010, 11:58:13 AM »
You have redeemed this kill stories section, here have some pie.

[ChaosweaveR]

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Re: I'm not proud of it, but it's a kill....
« Reply #6 on: September 02, 2010, 02:38:31 PM »


I'd seriously rock the hell outta one of these.

Also, lulzy kill.
-Chris-

2005 Honda Accord EX-L Coupe