Author Topic: I will never poop-squat in public again  (Read 5311 times)

1fastII

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I will never poop-squat in public again
« on: August 21, 2011, 10:25:12 AM »
There was a discussion somewhere around that talks about how much better squat pooping is than actually sitting down. So I decided to try it at my house and I really liked it. Yesterday at school I decided I would try it since no one was in the bathroom and it is usually empty on my side of the campus.

This is what the bathroom diagram looks like:



So anyway, I decided to get in the squatting position and take a nice dump before heading to my next class. Keep in mind most of you probably put toilet paper on the edges so your ass is not directly on the seat. Well with squatting, you can keep on your shoes for extra grip and you do not have to touch the seat at all. A win win situation.

Anyway, so I get into the squat position like so:



Note the extreme concentration for a flawless swan-dive like poop. I sit there for a while due to lack of the fiberz.

So just as it is about to come out, the door swings open. I panic but keep still. So I put on my poker face while in the squat position:



I hear singing. "Oh sh--" I thought to myself. It is my African teacher I had last mod. He has a very thick accent so I knew it was him as soon as he walked in. He decides he wants to join me on my submarine sinking escapade. So he sits in the only other stall available.

Here is the awkward situation in diagram form. Mind you I still have a poker face:



So at this point I still need to take a poop and I my legs are getting tired (not enough squats and oats). So I release it and it hits the water hard. No swan dive this time. Just a complete brown belly flop. The African guy knows someone is in the stall next to him because it gets really quiet. I keep my poker face on.

After a minute or so I see him bend down and look under the stall wall and he says with his thick African accent "Why no feet?":



At this time I just keep in the squatting position and a poker face until he left.

I will never squat and poop at school again.

logikfive

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Re: I will never poop-squat in public again
« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2011, 01:38:29 PM »
hahahahahha

Surely, this cannot be real.

dotCom

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Re: I will never poop-squat in public again
« Reply #2 on: August 21, 2011, 03:11:02 PM »
BAHAHAHA this is going everywhere on the internet :lol: :lol:


 If MMORPG players were around when God said, "Let there be light" they'd have called the light gay, and plunged the universe back into darkness by squatting their nutsacks over it. - Luke McKinney

The Beef

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Re: I will never poop-squat in public again
« Reply #3 on: August 21, 2011, 05:12:03 PM »
sweet jesus

Meatywand

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Re: I will never poop-squat in public again
« Reply #4 on: August 21, 2011, 06:49:31 PM »
BAHAHAHA this is going everywhere on the internet :lol: :lol:
Already is....did you miss the multiple chan references in the story? :lol:
Quote from:  Sergeant D
Nothing says Alpha like getting your anus violated by another man

I gazed through the open window upon a full moon.
His name was Meatywand.

Nava

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Re: I will never poop-squat in public again
« Reply #5 on: August 21, 2011, 06:56:07 PM »
Holy shit :lol:

Daemon

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dotCom

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Re: I will never poop-squat in public again
« Reply #7 on: August 21, 2011, 07:10:55 PM »
Already is....did you miss the multiple chan references in the story? :lol:

I make that many chan references in normal conversation. Also, did you miss the TFLN reference in my post? :lol:


 If MMORPG players were around when God said, "Let there be light" they'd have called the light gay, and plunged the universe back into darkness by squatting their nutsacks over it. - Luke McKinney

TMW

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Re: I will never poop-squat in public again
« Reply #8 on: August 21, 2011, 09:26:34 PM »
This is fucking hilarious. Suerly it cannot be real. :lol:
After a minute or so I see him bend down and look under the stall wall and he says with his thick African accent "Why no feet?":
Quote from: Liz
potty time

[ChaosweaveR]

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Re: I will never poop-squat in public again
« Reply #9 on: August 21, 2011, 09:29:20 PM »
Winning.
-Chris-

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